When I blaze green green ganja I usually have one thing on my mind, no TV.  I like to garden, get outside or write, things like... this blog for instance.  The cruelly wise Bill Hicks once said that "watching TV is like taking black spray-paint to  your third eye."  Essentially, Hicks said that TV kills the soul.  To a certain extent it can. But even I, the most snooty-nosed stoner, am prone to late night Futurama sessions. Especially after a hard day at the ol' office.  So as I define the three kinds of stoner, keep in mind, all stoners have some aspect of all three stoners.

1. The Happy Fun-Guy

The HFG is the classic impersonator.  He's part Spicoli, part Otto the Bus Driver and part Takashi from Revenge of the Nerds.  He has the stoner grin down, the two-foot glass on hand and is ready to blaze at the drop of a 20-sack.  He wears the tie-dye shirts, flip-flops (even in the rain) and drinks a ton of beer too.  Stoner 'things' define him.  The blacklight poster, his collection of Cheech and Chong DVDs and all the other junk on his floor make him up. 

Best Result: This guy will end up an office fun-guy and will love his family.

Worst Result: He may become a 'super' fun-guy and move to New York where he becomes a trader and tanks your retirement on a night of coke and hookers in a Manhattan penthouse.

2. The Artist

I flounder around in this category. I toke up and head for the computer to do some writing.  I think it's going to pay off someday.  Sometimes the artist stoner will be a painter, often a musician, but almost always doomed to eternal poverty or growing up.  This stoner doesn't think the high should be 'wasted' on slovenly and inane non-activities like TV and video games (PC exluded).  You should be outside, or better yet, creating.  To qualify for this category you must have at least one chosen art, a semi-vague plan for the future and a dream the size of Vegas.  The artist's highs are spent sketching, jamming or doodling scribbles on bar napkins wet from the condensation of $3 rum & Coke...  that's how I do it, at any rate.  The artist may also be a philosopher or free-thinker and fancies his knowledge will always guide him rightly. (Exceptions: History Channel, Discovery or The Simpsons)

Best Result:  He will end up a lawyer or professor.

Worst Result: Might live on Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley, eventually becoming a 'senior and respected' bum.

3. The Sneak-A-Toker

This guy shows no outer signs of stonerdom.  He dresses preppy, combs his hair and keeps it trimmed.  But if he gets a whiff of the sweet skunky odor of the magic herbs he will creep up on a joint like a snake on a mouse.  The Sneak-A-Toker will snag the joint and take a huge toke, burning half the joint with a big ol' run in it.  Then off he goes. Somtimes he'll swear everyone there to secrecy, that he was never there.  He'll sneak back into the living room, chewing gum and reeking of cologne, as if it isn't odd.  You might have to talk this guy down from time to time. 

Best Result: This stoner will fade harmlessly into middle-management in some company that sells cogs to car companies in Cleveland.

Worst Result: The absolute worst thing this guy can do is become a cop. He will abuse his sins out of the criminals he arrests for doing the things he used to do. 

There are sub-categories, like the Ghetto Stoner, his weed accentualtes his 'in your face' attitude. The Old Stoner, was at Woodstock.  The two kinds of chick stoners: the hot sensual stoner vixen and the one that likes the 'munchies' part.